Think of the Future
by The Real JL Rules
Summary: ONESHOT: Where exactly is the Doctor and Yaz's relationship going? Where CAN it go? If only the Doctor knew...


_DISCLAIMERS/NOTES_

_1\. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by the BBC. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2\. This is a femslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

* * *

"She's _unimportant_."

The Doctor tried keeping her tone even, and might have failed. "I'm gonna have to disagree with that." She strode over from the corridor she teleported into, towards the open area where their latest friend and, more importantly, _her girlfriend_ were currently being threatened.

Yasmin Khan's eyes lit up as the Time Lady approached them. Behind her, the man they were protecting seemed astonished to see her. Meanwhile, the latest threat-of-the-week hissed at the new arrival.

The Doctor had trouble stifling her relief at finding her lover unharmed. Reaching her, she gave Yaz a quick, concerned look. "Are you alright?"

"Better now you're here." The Doctor could not help the swelling of her hearts at Yaz's words. However, the Gallifreyan quickly steeled herself, immediately putting her body between Yaz and the less-than-friendly scorpion lady and her minions.

"I'm the Doctor, I don't believe we've met."

The Queen of the Skithra merely cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "You should not have come, fool. You will die along with your friends."

The Doctor repositioned herself besides her lover, presenting a united front. "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cos Yaz can… "

"You cannot protect her, Doctor."

She blinked at the interruption. "How do you know who I… ?"

The Doctor could not finish the question, as the Queen's tail whipped out from behind her, faster than the eye could follow. Before the Doctor could react, the tail struck Yaz full-force in the stomach, impaling the policewoman straight through her spine and out.

Yaz's eyes bulged and the Doctor's breath caught. "N… _NO_!" she screamed, as Yaz weakly turned to look at her. It all happened so suddenly; in the blink of an eye, the life faded from those beautiful brown eyes and Yaz collapsed in the Time Lady's arms. The Doctor could feel the horrible wetness of the blood - a torrent, drenching her hands. The lack of breath from Yaz's crimson-dripping mouth.

Her words were so distraught and agonised not even the Queen's mocking laughter could deafen them. "_No_!_NonoYaz_!_Nopleasenono_… "

* * *

"_YAZ!_"

The Doctor shot up in bed, eyes wide and chest heaving. She was all-but hyperventilating, with sweat pouring down her forehead. Her entire body trembled, and she clutched the mattress under the sheets so hard her knuckles whitened.

Her sudden explosion caused the body next to her to instantly awaken, and Yaz sat up herself urgently. "Doctor, what is it? What's wrong?!" When the alien just continued breathing heavily, Yaz grabbed her shoulders. "Doctor! Are you _alright_?!"

At that, the Doctor darted her head to the policewoman, as if only just realising she was there. The Doctor then gasped again, before whipping the covers away and reaching down at Yaz's midsection, checking it frantically. "D… Doctor?!" Yaz was beyond confused.

Still taking sharp intakes, the Time Lady took several moments to feel the Human's tummy, desperate to make sure it was alright. It was - there was no wound. No hole. No blood. Just a smooth, toned abdomen.

"_Doctor_!"

It was that final, loud call, coupled with the confirmation of no injury, which brought the Doctor out of her frenzy. She took one final choke of air before slowly steadying her breathing. She then closed her eyes and cursed inwardly at her foolishness, while her senses fully coalesced.

"Babe, please," came Yaz's whine. "Tell me what's wrong." Looking back up, the Doctor could only see concern and love coming from Yaz's beautiful brown eyes. Eyes so full of life. Not extinguished. Not dead.

The Doctor took an audible gulp and, much to Yaz's surprise, actually turned away and swung her legs off the bed. She sat there, head in hands, needing a few moments to gather herself. Thankfully, her young lover seemed to realise that, as the questioning stopped and silence fell in their new, shared room in the TARDIS.

The Time Lady felt a fool. A stupid, scared fool. Which, unfortunately, was beginning to happen more frequently. Not scared for herself, but for what she might _lose_.

It all came to ahead on their latest adventure. Another threat, another innocent needing protection, another monster pushing their weight around. During the escapade, the Doctor and Yaz where involuntarily separated, with the latter being teleported away to the latest evil domain. The Gallifreyan spent hours slowly dying inside, desperate to rescue her girlfriend and new primary reason for existing.

Oh, she put on a brave front, as she always did - but Graham and Ryan were not idiots. They could see the turmoil raging inside their alien friend. It was less than a day, but Yaz's absence felt like an eternity: the Doctor missed her so much it physically hurt. More than once she almost gave into despair; nearly abandoned hope at being reunited with her love.

This was hardly the first time one or more companions were abducted, and it _was_ just for a few hours, but it was different this time. It was getting to the point where the Doctor needed Yasmin Khan simply to _function_.

When Yaz was finally found and the Doctor rescued her, they could only allow themselves a brief hug and kiss before having to resume the mission. It was hours later still, once the danger was fully passed, the day saved, the couple could truly relax. When that time finally came and the TARDIS was back in the vortex, the Doctor and Yaz returned to their room, and the Gallifreyan nearly suffocated her lover with a deep, desperate embrace. "I thought I'd lost you… " she had whined, rather pathetically she thought now. Yaz had responded by making love to the Time Lady for the rest of the night. Which led to a very deep sleep for them both… _which_ led to this, the Doctor's latest nightmare.

Yes, latest. They were not recurring, and rarely repeated, but when the Doctor did have them, they were all about the same thing: the loss of Yaz. Her beautiful, perfect lover being taken from her, in some form or another - death, returning home, or rejecting a new regeneration. It was literally the Time Lady's new worst nightmare.

"Doctor… " came a quiet voice from behind, and the Doctor felt small yet strong arms wrap around her. Still she kept her gaze from Yaz, however, unable to face the worried expression or concerned questions. Yaz could not see her like this: desperate, scared… _weak_.

"I'm OK, Yaz," the Doctor eventually responded quietly. Her tone of voice said otherwise, but she would keep up the pretence for as long as possible. She was good at that, after all. Even if she knew, deep down, Yaz was not fooled in the slightest. "Just a bad dream. Sorry I woke you."

"Wanna talk about it?" Yaz began stroking the alien's arm affectionally.

"Nah, it's fine." The Doctor chanced a look at her girlfriend, whose concern was evident. Once again the Time Lady was amazed what the 21st century policewoman brought out of her: it was all but clear now she never felt this way about _anyone_ before. Which was, frankly, astonishing.

"Was I hurt?" The Doctor frowned at Yaz's apparent non-sequitur, but the Human elaborated. "Your dream: you called out my name. And not in a good way." Yaz stroked the Gallifreyan's cheek, and the Doctor instinctively leaned into the touch. "Did somethin' happen to me?"

The Doctor again tried putting on a brave face. "It was just a dream, love. Doesn't mean anythin'." If only. "Now get some sleep. You need it after what you went through today."

"I can't sleep if you're not next t'me." Yaz planted a tender kiss to the Doctor's lips.

"What makes you think I'm goin' anywhere?"

Yaz gave a lopsided smile. "I know that look. You're gonna go off and brood."

Her girlfriend really _did_ know her. That was almost scary in its own right… though not necessarily in a bad way. "Darlin', I promise, it's nothin' to worry about. Just an irritatin' thought that won't go away."

Yaz gave a deep sigh. "I hope it does. 'Cos as I keep tellin' you - I'm not goin' anywhere. No amount of risk or danger will take you away from me. Probably sounds selfish… "

"I've 'ad my share of selfish moments," offered the Doctor, which brought a soft chuckle from Yaz.

"… but you're stuck with me," the Human continued. "So whatever your dream was about, just remember - I'm _never_ leaving you. _Ever_. I have the best protector in the universe."

The Doctor felt her eyes water. "I love you so much… " They kissed again, far deeper than before.

"Love you too," Yaz insisted, before wiping the dampness from her Time Lady's eyes. "Now tell me about your dream."

The image of Yaz, dead and bloody in her arms, momentarily flashed in the Doctor's eyes. She bit her lip: she could never tell her _that_. "Yaz, honest - it's nothin'. And this isn't me just sayin' that."

"Really?"

Another kiss, and the Doctor stroked long curly locks. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart. I'll be back soon, I promise."

Yaz frowned. "Doctor… "

Taking initiative, the Time Lady got up off the bed and put on her t-shirt and trousers, discarded hours earlier. Yaz made a move to do the same, but the Doctor stopped her. "Yaz, don't. You need rest."

"But… " Finally having enough, the Doctor gently yet firmly pushed her girlfriend back down to the mattress and tucked her in. "Are you sure?"

"Rest, my love," replied the alien. "I'll be back before y'know it." Some of her trademark lightness returned, even if it was put on.

"I won't be able t'sleep without you," Yaz insisted again, but her eyes were already lidding. Within moments, she was asleep once more. The Doctor allowed herself a small smile at her girlfriend's relaxed form, kissing her own finger and placing it on Yaz's gently breathing lips, then quietly left their room.

The Doctor soon found herself at the open TARDIS doors, sitting on the edge and watching the stars go by in an area of open space. She had a cup of hot chocolate in her hands and plate of custard creams at her side. She found herself doing this more and more in this body, as she did not sleep as often as Humans… well, she did not until her relationship with Yaz changed. Then, even if she did not sleep, the Time Lady would just lay next to her lover, watching her in peaceful slumber. She never failed to be overcome and amazed at how her latest female companion made her feel. And right now, those feelings were foremost in the Doctor's mind. No distractions, no interruptions. Just her and her thoughts.

Not for the first time, the Doctor wondered what the heck she was doing. She knew it could not end well. Even without the constant travelling, the endless dangers, the nonstop enemies… even if the Gallifreyan "retired" and dedicated herself fully to Yaz, it could never last. Yaz was only Human; she would grow old and die. The Doctor would be left alone, heartbroken and lost yet again. It was exactly why she never allowed herself proper companionship.

Indeed, what _was_ she doing? Yaz did not deserve this. Did not deserve _her_. If she only knew the things the Time Lady had to do in her many lives. Never intentional, always with the very best in mind… but all too often, all she did was leave destruction in her wake.

She should never have allowed this to happen. She never should have fallen in love again. Never have let someone else into her hearts. She _should_ end things.

And yet… she could not.

The Doctor's need to be with Yasmin Khan, to protect her, to make her happy, was overwhelming. Even her two greatest loves, Patience and River… they were dear to the Doctor, of course, but… they were not Yaz. That, perhaps more than anything, sent chills down her spine. Good chills. Bad chills. Despite the dangers and inevitable fate - the Doctor _had_ to be with her Yaz.

Her Yaz…

Why did she feel this way? It was so much easier before. But this body… it got attached easily, and was just as easily hurt if something went wrong, or someone was lost. And if she lost Yaz, for any reason, the Time Lady knew that would hurt more than anything.

She had to do _something_: she could not go on like this. Either she continued this deep, loving relationship - and despite it being hardly modest, the Doctor knew just how deeply Yaz loved _her_ \- or she do the sane thing, the sensible thing, the _best_ thing… and let her go.

But she knew if the tried, Yaz would fight her. She would not leave easily. Could the Doctor put either of them through that?

And she already lost so, so much: her family, her friends, her world… did she not deserve _something_? After all she did in service of this silly old universe - must she always be alone?

Never be cruel, never be cowardly… never be happy?

Maybe… there was only one thing _to_ do…

THE END

* * *

Full disclosure time: when I first started writing Thasmin, I was of the opinion the Doctor was asexual and uninterested in romance. If you read my first few fics, you'll see it could be interpreted the Doctor's feelings were purely platonic, or at the least ambiguous, and Yaz's love would be unrequited. But the more stories I read and wrote, the more the idea grew on me. Then I realised the Doctor's felt romance plenty of times. So why not again? And we all know there's some sort of bond between Thirteen and Yaz. So in the end, I decided to bite the bullet and run with it. So I am a fully-fledged Thasmin shipper. No apologies.


End file.
